You are watching: 10 ways to kill your boss
1) offer your ceo a lift house after slashing all four of your car’s tyres only to journey further and further into isolated woodland, mile from wherein your boss lives. As soon as the 2 of you space out that the car, and also he/she is searching for an explanation create a gun, allude it at them and throw lock a shovel. It’s destruction your own grave time. Yes that’s right, friend prick, and also to think her boss believed you ‘showed a bad aptitude because that planning’ in your last power review.
2) If you room a pan of a slower burn approach to the murder of your superior, why not slowly poison your lunch end a period of 3 years. This technique ensures there is less chance you’ll be caught, if you’re a pan of the thing, and also with each and every instance where your ceo asks friend to remain late you have the right to remark through ‘sure, I’ve acquired all the time in the world’ safe in the expertise they don’t. Since you’re poisoning them. Come the allude of death.
This method can backfire, however if your boss moves on to a new company prior to your arrangement can be completed. Something under 3 years of poisoning will sadly only result in the catastrophic fail of several vital organs.
3) Is your ceo a pan of handing out main warnings because that minor stuff like transforming up to work-related shitfaced? deserve to he/she not take a joke, and anyway you reduced your hangover induced days off by 50% this year, come only around 20. What’s your fucking problem? Under the pretence of wanting to fulfill up to comment on how you might work to be a far better employee (not possible) invite the craic allergic tyrant because that a drink. And also then one more one. And another one.
Your boss’s tendency to take their project seriously method they’re not usage to drinking themselves into oblivion. Therefore a light night of drink by your requirements of 10 pints and also a couple of shots and also a party of whiskey will result in fatal liver fail for the focused and also hard working light weight.
4) While not a literal meaning death, if the thoughtful nature of death intrigues you, you can encourage a figurative ‘death’ on your boss by sleeping with their partner, befriending all their best friends, cashing out your boss’s savings and selling their kids on Ebay. Lock won’t be so smug when you reveal this every at the yearly AGM. No one deserve to come back from that.
5) If you’re in search of a close to instant an outcome which will leave you in the clear with Gardaí merely kidnap her boss, tie them to a chair, and also place castle in the front row of a Daniel O’Donnell concert. The remainder will take care of itself together your boss slowly loses the will certainly to live, and bites off their own tongue, choking to death of their own blood. It’s no pleasant, yet Christ is the effective.
6) While your boss provides their means to the printer, seize a piece of file and lightly graze your finger v it, transporting a devastating file cut. Urge on steering them to the nearest A&E department, the horrendous delays in ~ Ireland’s hospitals will watch your boss bleed out after wait on a trolley because that 14 weeks.
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